There have been different times in my life when I have been particularly overwhelmed by the grace of God. As we took communion together at our New Life service on Sunday, I felt the need to reflect and share a glimpse of the grace of God in my life. So here is a sort of public journal of those reflections. I pray you will be encouraged and God would be glorified through my brief testimonial ramblings... :)
My mom has recently been sending 'memories' in the mail in the form of old photographs, childrens books and other keepsakes. I love the picture above of me and mom, appreciating it even more with five children of my own...
By the grace of God, I grew up in a loving Christian home. My parents faithfully took my three younger sisters and I to church regularly striving to train us up in the way we should go. My dad was in the Army so we moved around from time to time. I was born in Kentucky and grew up in Tennessee, Virginia, Texas and Hawaii.
It was while living in Hawaii that God called me to Himself and the good news of Jesus Christ made sense to me for the first time... We moved into military housing on a street where several other Christian families lived, including one military chaplain. After visiting several local churches, we became involved as members of the military chapel there at Kolekole.
One afternoon when I was newly 12 years old, I remember getting into a typical mother daughter argument that ended something like, "But I don't want to do that!", and being sent to my room. It was alone in my room where I began to sense a deep feeling of guilt and conviction of my rebellion. I vividly remember crying out to God, "I don't want to live like this! Jesus, please forgive me. I need you to live in me and help me." The gospel of grace began to make sense. I was a sinner living a life of rebellion and I was desperately in need of a savior. I remember in that moment of repentence, alone in my room, an overwhelming sense of peace flooding my soul. I began to cry tears of great joy in the relief of my guilt. God had breathed new life into me. I immediately got up, apologized to my mom and shared my experience with my parents.
It was a little later that I conjured up the courage to walk the aisle of our little chapel to share with our church family. I confess my pride in that it may have been a lot later had not my sister, Priscilla, gone first. I determined that my little sister could not make a public profession of faith before me! Ha! Our church celebrated commitments to Christ regularly with fellowship and grilling out at Waianae beach. I remember standing on top of a picnic table to share with our church family how I had come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. After all the testimonies of God's grace had been given, we walked one at a time into the ocean where our chaplain/pastor met and baptized us - identifying ourselves as Christians (buried with Christ and raised to walk in newness of life with Christ). What joy had filled my heart!
Later that year, God would rock our family and lead us away from what had become a physical and spiritual paradise... It was Christmas morning 1988. While my sisters and I enjoyed playing with our gifts in our rooms my father disappeared. Though it struck us as odd, we were consumed with new distractions (i.e. new gadgets and toys). I remember my mother gathering us up to tell us that our grandfather has passed away and we were leaving to go home to Virginia. The rest of the day was a blur as sweet neighbors gathered warm coats from storage to clothe us for our long trip from Hawaii to Virginia and the grieving that ensued... Less than six months later, my dad accepted an early transfer to Northern Virginia in order to be closer to care for our grandmother...
When I was older, I remember my father retelling his side of the story which has stuck with me... another glimpse of the grace of God... I hope I tell this story right. Regardless, it is what I have pieced together from my grandfather's funeral and my dad's testimony... :) Christmas Eve 1988. My grandfather, who had suffered a heart attack, was on the mend and moved to a private room. A positive sign of recovery. Christmas Day came. 'Santa' delivered his gifts and we kids were giggling girls as we dove into the goodies. After dad delighted in he and mom's gift giving glory, he headed to call and wish his parents a merry Christmas. He called the hospital room. No answer. He called the house. No answer. He called the hospital room again. His sister, my aunt Joan, answered with the words, "You just missed him."
Of course, as the reality of what those words meant began to sink in, my dad had to get away to grieve and figure out how to get there... how to afford a quick trip home with a family of six on Christmas Day... So he visited with a friend and neighbor down the street to work on the details. He called the airlines. No luck. Too much money. Finally, he decided to try again and found someone to help him. This person found incredible fares for a flight leaving that very night out of Honolulu. After all the details were squared away and the sense of relief began to settle in, my dad asked for the customer service agents name. He wanted to write a letter to the airlines to thank them for the incredible help he had been. The person on the other line answered, "Gabriel." A deep sense of peace passed through my father as he felt God had sent him an angel in the midst of this trial to remind him of His ever-presense in times of need. Oh, the grace of God...
I remember the pastor at First Baptist Suffolk as he shared the events of that Christmas morning at my PopPop's (what we affectionately called him) funeral... My grandmother, who had been visiting with him, was leaving the room. When she looked back before shutting the door, she saw my grandfather hold his arms and gaze upward. Then he spread his arms outward in a wide span. Lastly, he returned his arms upward before the heart monitor flatlined. The pastor shared it was as if my grandfather welcomed his savior coming for him, inquired about the care of his family and then went home to be with the Lord...
The next 5 years had their ups and downs as we settled into life back on the mainland. By the grace of God, I endured most of high school protected by my naivite. Though I lacked discipleship (growing in the knowledge of what it means to be a follower of Christ), the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life was a constant reminder even in the darkest moments of adolescence. John 14:18 has come to take on a whole new meaning in my life today, but was true then. Jesus told his disciples, as he looked ahead to his death, resurrection and ascension, "I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you." Christ has left us a Helper.
Perhaps, another blog post (or several) will allow time to share some of the lessons learned and grace of God displayed throughout my high school and college years...
Meanwhile, several flash forwards ahead lead me to further evidences of God's abundant grace...
The summer of 2002, while serving on staff with LifeWay's Centrifuge camps on location at Union University, God revealed a hint of his plan for me. One night during the message in our worship service, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace come over me as God revealed I would marry a pastor. I shared that revelation with my two accountability partners: Jamie & Meghan. I had always thought I would marry a soldier like my own father. God had another type of soldier in mind. God kept my heart from falling in love with the camp pastor until that fall, after our friendship grew across the miles. He was preparing for PhD work at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary while I was working on a Masters of Christian Education at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. Tony proposed on Easter weekend 2003 and we were married after my graduation on December 27, 2003... He is my best friend and partner in life... so much grace, my heart overflows...
Again, I could go on and on about the joys and struggles of the next few years... first year of marriage, first church to pastor, living in New Orleans through Hurricane Katrina, etc...
As you know very well, by the grace of God, He called us to our adoption journey. After 20 months of adoption 'pregnancy', we received our phone call to travel to Ukraine. During our one hour appointment with the SDA (the government office that shows you limited files of available orphans), God revealed to us the reality of how much bigger this journey was than us and our preconceived notions... We thought we would consider two children under 5 years old and possibly just end up coming home with one toddler. My heart still leaps as I reflect on that moment when the pictures of our four children were laid before us...
God is so much bigger than us and our hearts. I would have never mapped this out for my life, but what incredible joy and honor it is to walk in it! God's grace overwhelms me and humbles me as it rains down upon us... "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." (1 John 3:1)
And now, this great joy... to welcome a new son into our arms... I am overwhelmed...
The chorus of the hymn "'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus" has become a regular part of my prayer life (specifically the last phrase):
Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust Him more
God is faithful. God is able.
"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions made us alive - by grace you have been savedand raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."
Ephesians 2:4-10
